Tuesday, August 24, 2010

YouTube State of Mind

No matter where you are from, be it Los Angeles, Washington State, Staten Island, South Florida, or a state of senile insanity you probably have a comfortable feeling of belonging as you go about your life. Sure, you may have stressful situations, poor weather, high crime, or too much hair gel seeping into your township's water table, but it doesn't matter; each and every one of you has a YouTube parody of Katy Perry's "California Gurls" to call your own.

And since Katy released the Song of the Summer which quickly became the Spoofmeat of the Summer, I have sat and watched from my office desk as these sometimes good, most times terrible parodies made the rounds. Each time, something inside of me died. Because where was New York in all of this? We get a thirteen second cameo in California Gayz, only to be hit by a vehicle.

Allow me to add that I am still trying to figure out how the director accomplished this feat. I think maybe it's similar to how Regina George gets hit by a bus in Mean Girls.

And, one more quick topic deviation. Please watch "Regina George hit by bus" spoof video. It deserves to be shared.

Now, you might say: "But New York gets made fun of in everything! Isn't Staten Island Gurlz good enough?"

Yes, it is true that I come from New York. But ask any New Yorker: we are a huge bag of stereotypes, not a single, convenient, insult-worthy one, but MANY unique insult-worthy ones. As evidenced by the previously mentioned Staten Island Gurls spoof. Staten Island claims their own sovereignty, which is fine, as I only use them to hold my trash while it composts, and allow me quick passage into Pennsylvania when I visit my old college.

I'm not a New Yorker, that is too broad. I am a Long Islander. It's not something I am particularly proud of, but it is something I must admit when participating in lie detector tests. So to shovel me a standard "New York-centric" spoof of something is like calling a Puerto Rican hispanic. It's not true, and it borders on insulting.

Furthermore, to even classify me as a "Long Islander" is a bit too broad. Long Island, as per its name, is a VERY Long Island. (Much like "Fire Island", as per its name, is a horrible place entirely engulfed in never-dying flames).

Long Island has farms. Cows. Amusement parks. Hicks. (including an entire ville where they apparently live.) We have beaches and Montauk and everything in between. And even though I lived there most of my life, I never saw any of those things! It is because I am, to be technical, a Nassau County Long Islander. Which means a lot! It means we have no cows. It means we're near to the beach. It means we're less than an hour train ride from Manhattan. It means we're better than those Suffolk Folks, who could be considered hicks or out of touch with New York.

I can certainly understand why, until now, there's been no spoof that speaks to me. Besides this famous Long Island mother kvetching about a Christmas Tree.

But this was a sneaky video. It doesn't have "Long Island" or "Nassau County" written anywhere in its description. I defy you to ask any Nassau County lady or fellow you know: this drag queen is doing a better impression of our mothers than our fathers or stepfathers could ever do. And when this video hit the Tube, Nassau County citizens flocked to watch, tears in our eyes, that SOMEONE had finally made something just for us.

Well, I am happy to report that, years after Christmas Tree Mom, a new Nassau County video has emerged into the mainstream. AND it makes me a part of the "pop spoof" club! Well, almost. The spoof I am referencing has been traveling through Facebook status updates over the past few days, earning a ton of plaudits, shameful head shakes, and drunken, fist-pumping cheers. It is called "Nassau County State of Mind."

And while it's barely accurate in regards to my life and behaviors before I fled the Island for NYC, I can at least relate. Because the Jersey-Shore-esque douchebags singing about where to get a good bagel, and where the garlic knots are always plentiful are the same douchebags I grew up with.

The gel. The muscles. The bad voices. The expensive backyard pools. It's all there.

I am, of course, upset that it is not a "Nassau County Boyz" spoof. But I'll bet these guys think it's too gay to deal with anything performed by Katy Perry, even though most of them probably jack off into their ankle socks to her new album cover on a daily basis.

It also explains a lot about Nassau County: these guys are probably still jamming out to this song regularly. While the rest of the pop world has moved on to new ditties, the dudes in Nassau County are bouncing their Hummers down the street to this gem, and probably still will for months to come. As an example, I'm pretty sure that reggae song "I'm in love with a man nearly twice my age" and "Mambo Number 5" are still played on quasi-heavy rotation on our radio stations.

Again - let me be abundantly clear: I AM NOT ONE OF THESE GUYS. But man did I ever walk high school hallways and shopping center byways with them. Feel my pain. Understand why I ran here as fast as my Skechers would carry me.

I present to you, Nassau County State of Mind:

Your brother in fist-pumping,

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