It is very rare that a pop song can pull a fast one on me. When Britney Spears released "Circus," I was not fooled by her lyrics into thinking that she was actually leaving music behind to join the circus. And when Lady Gaga released Alejandro, I didn't actually consider that some gay hispanic man was chasing her around saying her name over and over again.
No, when it comes to pop standards, I am pretty ridiculously smart about what they're trying to communicate to me. EXCEPT for one pop piano goddess: Sara Bareilles.
Yeah, you know her. She wrote "Love Song" - an anthem whose MP4 I have worn out on my iTunes like it was an old-timey cassette. If you don't know Love Song, then here it is to remind you:
When I first heard this song, I had just broken up with a significant other. It was perfect timing. Yes! I thought. I will NOT write you a love song, ex-boyfriend! Because you're a jerk and I don't love you! I was ecstatic! Sara totally got where I was coming from, she knew how I felt!
But then the ground fell out from underneath me. I found out that "Love Song" is not at all about an ex or love at all. No, it was a Communist Spy-sneaky style attack against the music industry! Sara's song's meaning was in fact literal. A music guy wanted her to write a Love Song, and she didn't want to. So, instead she wrote him a song that told him she wasn't going to write him a love song. (But wait, isn't that, in its own way, a love song? Like when I tell you not to think of a rhinoceros and so you start thinking "okay, I'm NOT thinking of a rhinoceros, I'm not thinking of a rhinoceros..." and not-rhinoceros might as well be rhinoceros because you're still thinking about it?)... head-kaboom!
But kaboom-head aside, I felt betrayed! Because it's not like the lyrics COMPLETELY say what the song means. It's not like the lyrics go "Mr. Record Producer you want me to write you a love song, but I'm not going to because I don't want to be like every other musician!" I mean, if that were the case, then I would NOT be surprised. I would know what the song was about and I would have not been led astray by wordplay and vague possibly-boyfriend-related statements.
Oh Sara, you tricky minx.
But you know what they say about "Fool me once," and all of that. So when Sara released her next single, which is paving the way to her upcoming album, I was on to her game, and ready to spike that volleyball of deceit away from my face before it smashed my nose and knocked me on my ass.
Her new single is called "King of Anything" and even iTunes won't try to fool us this time:
"Sara builds upon the charismatic wit and wisdom imparted by "Love Song" on the new single, "King of Anything," a sharp elbow to the ribs of all the know-it-alls she's met since entering the music business."
Ooooh fuckin burn! You hear that, music executives? Back the fuck away before Sara comes plowin in here and starts elbowing in your stupid know-it-all rib cages! That shit'll bruise! It seems as if the music executives that she's paying (and hopefully not chest-elbow-dropping) are framing her as some sort of professional piano playing WWE wrestler. She's fiesty! She'll pop you in the face if you offer criticism or have ANY experience in being successful!
It also means that she's released a second single on a major label where she uses veiled potentially romantic ex-significant-other-related language to crotch-kick the music industry. Which makes me wonder: will she continue doing this on her third album? What's left for her to beat up? Music album designers? Associate publicisists? The late night janitor at her music label's offices?
I hope it's the last of those options, I'd love to hear her compare his late night mopping to something that could be skewed as romantic.
So let it be known, Sara Bareilles: I'm on to you. No more will I think that any of your songs have to do with the true human condition. No, clearly they are all veiled references to other things. Your asshole tax attorney, your bitchy in-laws, that piano tuner who smells bad whenever he comes by.
Of course, none of this changes the fact that I've played "King of Anything" over 100 times already (as evidenced by iTunes.) I mean, c'mon, that deceptive shit has one hell of a chorus.
J/
THIS JUST IN:
Sara Bareilles is about to go viral with her piano version of Single Ladies... but BE FOREWARNED, BEYONCE FANS! Now, when she tells you to "put a ring on it," she's secretly KARATE KICKING the music industry right BEHIND THEIR EARS for not paying her a high enough percentage royalty when they sell pieces of her singles as ring tones... just an FYI.
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